bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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