I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
