Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
