The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
