I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
