I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while Iโm over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, thereโs still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
