Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
