your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
