i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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