He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
