I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
