I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
