the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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