is wine microwaveable?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
