watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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