some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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