sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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