I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
