go do what you do best...puke behind churches
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
