i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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