Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
