Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
