just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize