I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
