A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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