And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
