i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
