I wish my penis had an off switch
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
