I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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