My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
