so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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