I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
