Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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