this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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