return my video game
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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