I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
