I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
