You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
