Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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