sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize