my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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