i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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