I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
