I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
