We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
