I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
