Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
