Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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