dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
