I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
