Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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