He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
