So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
