Already got asked if we're dating
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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