when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
