happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
