I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
