every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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