I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
only you would photoshop your dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
