I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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