Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize