I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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