Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
