Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
