Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
