oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
