margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
