I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
