I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
