so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
