God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
