True but thats because hes a fetus.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
