i can't believe i had my finger in that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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